So What

FOURTH OR FIFTH TIME AROUND?


I’m very possessive of my father’s surname; after all, I use the name – I always have and always will. I’ve even gotten used to the jokes about it in some African languages. Some make connotations to a trumpet or a saxophone. Others snigger and laugh shyly as they say: ‘like a male member?’

“M.B.O.B.O. no H’s,” I normally hiss, “And don’t pronounce it like the Zulu hole, but like the Xhosa hose-pipe.

I even love the fact that as a former journalist, I can always keep my surname, in spite of the man or men who have, at one stage or another, chosen to attach themselves to me.

Yes, I have been married a few times. And poor Mr. M …., my first husband (may his soul rest in peace), never got to the ‘Mrs. Him’ next to my name because I was out of that marriage long before we could even argue over the issue.

I however don’t begrudge my children of using his name; he’s their dad after all! To speak the truth, I have four children who all go by their individual fathers’ surnames. This makes us a unique family – each to its own, each with his or her father’s surname and God for us all!

In township lingo they are called mixed vegetables or ‘smarties’ like the chocolate-centred sweets,

But are they? I’ve been married to all the fathers, if not officially, well, spiritually so. Besides taking the trip to the Home Affairs office ‘to sign’ what does it mean to live with a man for 11 years of your life? Or even a mere nine months, long enough to carry a baby to term? Does that child not deserve to carry his father’s name?

Getting back to my father’s surname, and my continued use of it, don’t you think being a journalist came in handy? My current partner accuses me of not having loved any man enough to trade my father’s surname for that man’s love!

I may have gone through a few marriages: one in Ghana, one in Zimbabwe and one South African marriage lasting a mere eleven days. Some were unknown to the rest of my family (until this revelation today!) and of course, some with neither the traditional lobola (or bride price) nor children;

BUT, there has at least been one consistent thing about me – My Name. No husbands’ surnames. No double-barreled compromises!

Just say Tembi Mbobo!